A new beginning
Have you ever noticed that when you sin, have a fight, wrong someone, or just fall out of touch, the longer you wait to right the wrong the harder it is? It's this strange tension between pride and shame, isn't it? I suck at admitting failure. That is my excuse for waiting this long to start writing again.
In the rest of my life this reality has often centered around my depression. I think I have a good groove going and then one day I sleep in until 2:00pm and never get out of my pajamas. Then one day turns into two and before I know it, I am avoiding all of my responsibilities, hiding from the world under my blankets, and making excuses for why I have this "general malaise."
I know my depression is real and has a physiological element, so I am not saying that funks aren't going to happen. But I just think it is interesting how much this shame/pride pressure makes it all the more difficult to get out of it. I am so concerned with how people perceive me that if I am going down, I have to go rock bottom so they actually feel sorry for me. Pity is better than judgment, I reason. Of course none of this is consciously done--I am just reacting to the fear inside me.
The interesting thing is that I do have a way of breaking out of it. I simply perform an "Extreme Ben Makeover" and that jumpstarts the growth cycle again. Seriously. One of my favorites is shaving my head or beard. Or I will rearrange furniture or wash the dog. Anything to make a noticeable change in my life.
So it is with this blog, I gave it a paint job, updated some links, gave it a more appropriate purpose statement. Hopefully this will do the trick and I will start writing again.
At least until I miss a week . . .
In the rest of my life this reality has often centered around my depression. I think I have a good groove going and then one day I sleep in until 2:00pm and never get out of my pajamas. Then one day turns into two and before I know it, I am avoiding all of my responsibilities, hiding from the world under my blankets, and making excuses for why I have this "general malaise."
I know my depression is real and has a physiological element, so I am not saying that funks aren't going to happen. But I just think it is interesting how much this shame/pride pressure makes it all the more difficult to get out of it. I am so concerned with how people perceive me that if I am going down, I have to go rock bottom so they actually feel sorry for me. Pity is better than judgment, I reason. Of course none of this is consciously done--I am just reacting to the fear inside me.
The interesting thing is that I do have a way of breaking out of it. I simply perform an "Extreme Ben Makeover" and that jumpstarts the growth cycle again. Seriously. One of my favorites is shaving my head or beard. Or I will rearrange furniture or wash the dog. Anything to make a noticeable change in my life.
So it is with this blog, I gave it a paint job, updated some links, gave it a more appropriate purpose statement. Hopefully this will do the trick and I will start writing again.
At least until I miss a week . . .
posted by ben price at 12:17 PM
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