I wish Jesus had had kids
Kids change everything. I have been thinking recently about how I am supposed to be as a disciple. I'm frustrated that Jesus wasn't a dad because I wonder what he would have done. It feels like, at least at this stage, I have to choose between my family and everything else. I don't feel like I have time for both. You put your time in at work and when you come home all I want to do is love on these two little people God has entrusted to me. I want to spend my time with them while they still want to spend it with me.
But where does that leave me when it comes to being a disciple? Should I be doing this AND helping the poor, reaching the lost, loving my neighbor, and participating in the work of the church? I know the answer is yes, but I don't know how many people do both well. I think it is harder than we think. I know so many Christian men that have regrets about fatherhood. It has been less than two years since I became a father and I have yet to feel like I can do "church stuff" without taking away from "family stuff."
Or am I just an emotional glutton who cannot get enough of the love my children give me? Is it not so much about their needs as my wants? At the end of the day, am I going to always feel like I have neglected something? What do I do with those regrets?
Is there a life in this society where it is possible not to compartmentalize things into "Family," "Ministry," "Work," & "Church?" How do we lay people live the kingdom life & feed our families? Is bringing the kingdom to our jobs and homes enough?
In a slightly related topic:
Right now it is so difficult to go to church on Sunday because it has nothing to do with the rest of my life. I get little out of it other than a sense of guilt that I should be doing more or giving more. It is a huge exhaustion to get two kids under two ready by myself (Julie works) and then take care of them once I get to church as well. I don't know how parents do it. I feel like asking other single parents to do this is almost laughable. Who in their right mind would volunteer for this kind of headache with so little of a payoff? There has to be a better way to be the church and have a family. I have a feeling I am in serious transition on my beliefs again.
But where does that leave me when it comes to being a disciple? Should I be doing this AND helping the poor, reaching the lost, loving my neighbor, and participating in the work of the church? I know the answer is yes, but I don't know how many people do both well. I think it is harder than we think. I know so many Christian men that have regrets about fatherhood. It has been less than two years since I became a father and I have yet to feel like I can do "church stuff" without taking away from "family stuff."
Or am I just an emotional glutton who cannot get enough of the love my children give me? Is it not so much about their needs as my wants? At the end of the day, am I going to always feel like I have neglected something? What do I do with those regrets?
Is there a life in this society where it is possible not to compartmentalize things into "Family," "Ministry," "Work," & "Church?" How do we lay people live the kingdom life & feed our families? Is bringing the kingdom to our jobs and homes enough?
In a slightly related topic:
Right now it is so difficult to go to church on Sunday because it has nothing to do with the rest of my life. I get little out of it other than a sense of guilt that I should be doing more or giving more. It is a huge exhaustion to get two kids under two ready by myself (Julie works) and then take care of them once I get to church as well. I don't know how parents do it. I feel like asking other single parents to do this is almost laughable. Who in their right mind would volunteer for this kind of headache with so little of a payoff? There has to be a better way to be the church and have a family. I have a feeling I am in serious transition on my beliefs again.
posted by ben price at 1:46 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home