I've been "released"
So, my pastor called and I was "released" from our church today to pursue another faith community if I so chose. It was an interesting conversation. You know how pastors can sometimes use "pastor speak" to say all the right things while they are really saying something else altogether? So while saying, "we want you to do whatever it is that you need to do for your family" what is really being said is "we don't want you to be part of our community any more." Or more precisely, we don't want you in the "inner circle" anymore. Yet it is said in a way that allows for complete deniability because it is couched in pastor speak.
I can't say that I necessarily blame him, but it was definitely a first for me. I've never been "fired" as a volunteer before. The worst part of me adds it up like this: You aren't leading anything, you aren't tithing regularly, and you aren't even helping in the nursery anymore, so you aren't of use to us anymore. Since you aren't in our "target audience" we would prefer if you just left if you aren't going to help us do our thing.
Like I said, I can understand where he is coming from, I have become increasingly useless over the last few months, but does that mean that I should be "released" from the community? In essence we have been written off because we are part of a demographic that "should" be serving the community rather than being served. I mean that is really what is being said here right? We are middle class, "stable," educated white folks so we must have it together. We just lack commitment or vision or we are just plain lazy and selfish.
Apparently the time frame for being useless is about 6 months before being dismissed. That is one thing I hate about church planting, you don't have time for your people to have a bad year. At an established church, you can weather those down times because there isn't the same sense of urgency for everybody to bring their "a" (or "b" or even "c" game) all the time.
So throughout this whole thing I have been very understanding. We were coming to a change in season, to be sure, and change is hard. We had drifted apart philosophically, and that bled into ministry, I get that. I hated the direction of Sundays and life groups but I knew that was about my preferences. All of this I can take blame for and feel ok with.
Here is what got me: We have had a significant amount of life change in the last 6 months both in our family and our extended family. Not everything I am going to go into here, but we had to make some tough "no-win" decisions about what was best for our family. As I am sharing my concerns and frustrations with a leader in the church who had called me out, he has the nerve to say this, "Ben, you create your own crises." Aside for the brilliant piece of pastoral empathy, I thought, "well if you mean we make decisions then live with the consequences, then yes I take partial responsibility for these crises." But what a thing to say while you are bawling me out for not being active enough in the church. No "how can we help you through these difficult times" or "oh my, you are up to your eyeballs in hospital bills and home repairs and utility debts, maybe we can help with that." Or even, "that must be tough, can I pray for you?" No, Ben, you create your own crises. Beautiful.
This was the first time that I really said, "This really isn't the kind of community I want to be part of." This was two weeks before being "released." So I guess we were on our way out anyway. But it still stinks to get fired right before you are gonna quit, ya know? Guess they felt the same way.
I can't say that I necessarily blame him, but it was definitely a first for me. I've never been "fired" as a volunteer before. The worst part of me adds it up like this: You aren't leading anything, you aren't tithing regularly, and you aren't even helping in the nursery anymore, so you aren't of use to us anymore. Since you aren't in our "target audience" we would prefer if you just left if you aren't going to help us do our thing.
Like I said, I can understand where he is coming from, I have become increasingly useless over the last few months, but does that mean that I should be "released" from the community? In essence we have been written off because we are part of a demographic that "should" be serving the community rather than being served. I mean that is really what is being said here right? We are middle class, "stable," educated white folks so we must have it together. We just lack commitment or vision or we are just plain lazy and selfish.
Apparently the time frame for being useless is about 6 months before being dismissed. That is one thing I hate about church planting, you don't have time for your people to have a bad year. At an established church, you can weather those down times because there isn't the same sense of urgency for everybody to bring their "a" (or "b" or even "c" game) all the time.
So throughout this whole thing I have been very understanding. We were coming to a change in season, to be sure, and change is hard. We had drifted apart philosophically, and that bled into ministry, I get that. I hated the direction of Sundays and life groups but I knew that was about my preferences. All of this I can take blame for and feel ok with.
Here is what got me: We have had a significant amount of life change in the last 6 months both in our family and our extended family. Not everything I am going to go into here, but we had to make some tough "no-win" decisions about what was best for our family. As I am sharing my concerns and frustrations with a leader in the church who had called me out, he has the nerve to say this, "Ben, you create your own crises." Aside for the brilliant piece of pastoral empathy, I thought, "well if you mean we make decisions then live with the consequences, then yes I take partial responsibility for these crises." But what a thing to say while you are bawling me out for not being active enough in the church. No "how can we help you through these difficult times" or "oh my, you are up to your eyeballs in hospital bills and home repairs and utility debts, maybe we can help with that." Or even, "that must be tough, can I pray for you?" No, Ben, you create your own crises. Beautiful.
This was the first time that I really said, "This really isn't the kind of community I want to be part of." This was two weeks before being "released." So I guess we were on our way out anyway. But it still stinks to get fired right before you are gonna quit, ya know? Guess they felt the same way.
posted by ben price at 9:29 PM
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